Em Efil dna Em Thguoht

Whatever choice anyone will make, the most important thing is that we all will surely grow in both experience (spiritually and mentally).

Pipi was right that I m at a dangerous state.  Things are happening alarmingly too fast.  He is right for at times I m dangerously close to be consumed by darkness.  He fear that the devil within me will be unleashed.  This will be more and more true if the momentum of growth keeps speeding up.  He worries that I may not cope with the great influx of experience for the digestion period is way too short.

His concern is indeed my concern.  But there will be one last thread holding me back from the path of darkness.  The strength of that thread will be the determining factor of what will the outcome be. 

Anyway, the faint smile covers up the inside awaiting for the seeker to unravel its mystery.  Thanks for reminding me who I m.  Such an irony when you try to understand others, you may forget who you really are.

Dinner and movie with friends (Pipi, sun, miaomiao and rona).  Palestinians and Israelis can live in peace…

The flow is still missing and I wonder why?  Too stubborn I presume, that is what others have been saying.  Need to filter off the incoming data.  Perception level too sensitive, the noise level is too high, require certain degree of strong filtering before I m able to proceed.

It is time to return, I have decided. Hanging too long ain’t the wise choice.  We will be busy soon.  The Life must FLOW.

I finally figure out part of the wisdom of indifferent.  The only person I recall showing such a unique trait is purple moon.  The ability to not judge and do not care.  The ability to maintain the icy disregard for the world.  The ability to not concern over the affairs of others.  That got to be her.

Yet, that is only as I say, indifferent but not total indifferent.  I m beginning to understand the wisdom being indifferent as I finally understand why she understand this earlier than I did.  The feeling of tastelessness and disinterested strongly resonates in me.  I no longer taste through my five senses, not always but most of the time.  This is the sign of indifferent within me.

We show signs of indifferent-ness, but what is the cause? How did it came about?  My indifferent to the material world arises from detachment.  However my indifferent to the people around me has just begun.  We do not want to hurt others and we do not want to be hurt too.  The best way around it is to be indifferent.  For your presence does not concern me, your motives does not concern me, your affairs does not concern me, so how can you hurt me or I hurt you if you are non of my concern.

Yet, however indifferent we are, we avoid being indifferent towards those who are being hurt or being kind or those we care.  That separates us from total indifferent.  When one is being indifferent, one will walk a lonely path.  Understanding you are indifferent will make you less lonelier.

Indifferent is a unique quality that can be the cause of light and darkness.  So now, what is your choice?  Stupid question indeed!  I forgot you are indifferent and this may be not of your concern, simplicity as you have always put it.

The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s "indifference". – Mother Theresa

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Higher level of darkness — indifferent.  Probably an answer to contain
the eye of the heart or advance it to a higher level.  This concept
requires greater detailed scrutiny.

Limitations set:
Avoids being indifferent towards others who are being hurt or being kind.

Your own affairs are getting out of hand, and you still want to manage others.
Only get involve when your affairs are under control.  If not, be indifferent.


You bury the anger of others so you can burden yourself with the pain.
Do this when you are:  "I have nothing so I m not afraid of losing everything."


Dilemma:
That guy probably thinks that the greatest misfortune would be having someone crying over his death.
Now do you choose to die first or let others go first instead?  The
table of selfs is turning again.  Which end do we want to reside. 
Indifferent in such situation will not bother about the outcome.  Thus
there will not be selfishness and grieve.  At the same time, it is
merciless and uncompassionate.  Total indifferent
may be the ultimate darkness, for it is nothingness compare to the
light I m born from.  Should I taste darkness to understand darkness? 

You are afraid of hurting others, and more afraid of others hurting you.
Indifferent seems like the ultimate defence mechanism to protect one
from harm.  But that will mean isolation of one self thus not having
any feelings, interests and concerns.  Is it necessary?



What do you think we are all fighting for?  To fulfill our desires, surely.
There are two ways to protect from destruction from self: light and
nothingness.  The former is a harder process while the latter is the
quickest way.  Yet still, we can never really achieve total indifferent as
we are still humans with a SOUL.  For nothingness means we no longer
cease to exist.  We can only reach to a semi-indifferent state. 
Successfully reaching total indifferent is erasing one’s existence.  How far can I push this limit of indifferent before it is too late?
———————————–

***
If you don’t say what you feel, you will get indigestion.  Unlike me ordinary people can’t understand you unless you speak.

Thinking back to that time, it was because I didn’t trust the words of others that I obtained this sort of skills.

Don’t toy with people’s mind anymore! A person’s mind is a person’s
LIFE!  I can’t imagine what sort of grave past you had.  But do you
think that you can use that as a reason to treat others’ pasts and
consciousness lightly!  Don’t think that you can understand someone
else through one-sided control of their mind.  Your heartlessness might
be fine for a devil.  But for human it’s despicable.

The first part of it showed a general overview of what happen.  Just
when you thought things seems to be what is portrayed on the surface. 
You are damn wrong.
Then the flashback began.  This time details of what is not shown or
missed earlier on is revealed.  The outcome is no longer the same.  The
truth is revealed.  You never see that coming.

This strikes deeply and reinforce the concept of looking at the good
and averting the bad.  You never know what is right and wrong.  The
outcome is predestined and it is not important anymore, only the
choices we make that really counts.

I understand this and stand strong once more because of the dream and a
hero who is by far greater than me if compare to the sacrifices he
made. 

This person goes against the general masses.  He bring pain outwardly
and attracted hatred from the masses.  But his actions are indeed a
Dark Art.  When put in a condition as such, he consider his limitations
and capability.  There is of course better alternatives, but the best
choice in the end is to make a martyr of himself.  Nobody will see the
truth for now, but probably the future will unveiled itself.  His faith
is strong, his will is strong, his spirit is stronger.

I salute him for now I m nothing compare to him.

I will end this shit once and for all.

I will bear the consequences.

I can no longer bear the weight and it shall end on that day.