Em Efil dna Em Thguoht

Besides the fear of uncertainty, the another greater fear spawn from uncertainty that haunts me is the going of love ones.

 

Signals were sensed, uneasiness was felt, the foretelling of departure seems likely, should me believe or should me not. Are the signs just false due to poor understanding of the medical conditions or are they trying to tell that time will be up soon.

 

Damn it, the one who leaved just leaves behind a piece of pain. How me wish to go 1st than to see people going. However, me job is not done and me time ain’t up, long me will be here witnessing the passing of one after another. Such pain was experienced once and amplify a dozen of times from the sorrow of similar souls. 

 

Strong me was once till me actually laugh when the sight of death befalls loved ones and playing examining and pondering on the empty shell left behind. Me actually thought me long training and learning has brought me to this higher level. However, minutes later the grip of sorrow begins to shadow me pureless thought and OUCH….. Somehow, me immunity no more and the infection of pain take its toll.

 

Changed were me views from that event, taught to appreciate love respect and carry out the duty and obligation befit of one before the chance to do so will last no more.

 

Done all one could yet departure is imminent, eventually the pain will be felt and soon recover but how long? Tired of all these recurring event, an extreme thought transpire: detachment from love. Impossible it seems at 1st, yet a modified version was produced, reduced one’s love to others that me shall no longer pain.

 

STUPID ME! But blame not for pain may twist the mind to come up with various unimaginable ‘ideas’. Ponder back and wisdom is still seen in the earlier thought. Love must continue but not to the extend till total attachment to it. EUREKA, this is the right way!

 

From time to time, me ponder of such senarios and it reminds to appreciate what time has left, although occasionally get carry away but me will strive me very best before………………………………………

 

Last words: DAMN YOU ALL WHO LEAVE ME BEHIND, me know you got to go me just can’t stop missing you, we shall be reunited when me is call to Return! Me shall continue to joy for the sake of what is left……..

Exist a connection that links the inner one of everyone, a stroke on one may stir up ripples that will be felt by others.  Is this truth or not?

 

There is resentment when the atmosphere of sorrow clouds around, it seems that sorrow emanating from a single source will potentially affect everything within its vicinity. Tired of all sorrow and ever wondering how the light of one may break thru when the source of light is gradually being affected by the poisoning winds of pain.  Is it that me weak or is it that me sensitivity!

 

The answer may be both is true.

 

The individual soul is from the same source and the status of one will reflect in others. No doubt left that we are all living on the same world and same place, one can never enjoy in peace while the other is in pain. This is reality this is fact! The emptiness from within is a result of the crying of souls. We all are link spiritually by the thread of Divine mysteries.

 

The other truth is the cause of me weakness: the inability to grasp uncertainty of the future. It seems that me need the confirmation of me abilities from others for me ain’t strong yet. Sorrow arising from others echoes me fears and worries. It is sad to say me scare of the unknown.

 

No worries for now, for part of the puzzle of life has just reveal itself. Me m tired of all pain and sorrow, as the saying goes:

 

 

No longer will me escape from thee for me shall face thee with full of courage in the upcoming battle. This place will be revisited when sorrow afflicts.

 

*Hope the strength in me when this was written will be with me in me future battles. So powerful m me that whatever shit on this world can no longer hurt me.

ME SO INVULNERABLE…………….

 

  Recent events from the search of vainglory to escapisms had finally unleased a series of trials whereby me had not anticipated.  Once pride me self of me  immunity to humanity’s woes have finally got the taste of a greater challenge long install for me.  Ironic when one stage is cleared it may coupled with subsequent stages to haunt you back.  Then me found me self vulnerable again to the trials and tests set up, each time greater in strength and magnitude and also assume a different form.  It seems that me can never predict what is gonna hit me next!

 

  Thankfully to say, me manage to pull through fast this time with the help of special kindreds.  It was something new to me, as seeking the assistance from other than me and Him is a whole new thing to me.  It seems like all this while me have the answer but lack the support of confirmation – is really bugging me. The need to share and express is taking its toll after long period of isolation and confinement.  Me limited abilities also decide me very need to get a GO signal from others.  However, peace may not last forever as the thorn of pain is not totally remove.  Somehow, I have not totally acheive the atmosphere of total release, it seems like me need to fuel the peace with energy each time we collide.  Although the woes of inner self seems solve yet it opens another whole new plane which is equally disturbing.  The thought of the listener caused a certain uneasiness that disrupt the equilibria of balance.  Maybe is the uncertainty surrounding the future that is holding me back!